Saturday, January 5, 2008

What to do with all these extra minions?

Having a think today about what the hell am I going to do with all these extra clerical staff I'm getting soon. I don't even know much about their work, even though they're all in the same section (yes! for this is the civil service!). I'll have to learn, and I bet it's fucking boring. I should make it fun while I'm learning, at least for myself.

I could:
  1. Take them all into a room, leave and lock the door, come back in 5 days and whichever one comes out alive gets to make my coffee. Extra PMDS grade if they have eaten one or more of the others. Less for me to supervise. Bwahahahahahaha!
  2. Send them on crazy errands around the place. Make them get me things like cups of dust from the canteen (easy enough), bottled poo smell from the toilets, a glass hammer from Woodies DIY, grind some beans and make my coffee, completely random and pointless stuff like that. It doesn't differ too radically from the nature of a civil service job anyhow, it's all bloody pointless.
  3. Make them all address me as "Evil Overlord". Hey, it's EO for short, too! The creator of the most innovative and sycophantic alternative to this acronym gets to make my coffee.
  4. Make them take it in turns to collect me at my house in the morning and bring me to work, and home again in the evenings. Even if they live in the opposite end of the county. I don't care. As long as I'm not the one driving the car in gridlock. Then they can make my coffee.
  5. Build a "tent" in the office using forms and sellotape and some rulers. Then make them all live in it for a fortnight, "I'm a Civil Servant, get me out of here" style. They will have to eat things like staples, forms and big cakes. They can use Untidy Guy's desk as a toilet (it won't look any worse). Every night other people get to vote on who stays and who goes. The winner gets to make my coffee.
That's it. I'm bored now.

Govstooge - putting the PERV in "supervisor".

1 comment:

galwaywegian said...

Give them turns making lunch for you, bearing in mind that you are allergic to processed food. Inspect their underwear every morning to confirm that it meets minimum civil service standards. Send them searching for a different imaginery form each day. Could be the best year ever!