Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Jaysus, is it that time already?

Fuck me, it's 2008! And I'm another year... well, day, older and deeper in debt!

And I'm sitting here wondering what the FUCK was all that about? Don't know about anyone else but my Christmas was pretty uneventful. Christmas in the Govstooge household included the following sensational highlights:

  • PASSING out in front of the TELLY after Christmas dinner and too much SAUVIGNON BLANC. I was watching a BORAT DVD and missed the NUDIE WRESTLING bit (thank God).
  • FARTING without the aid of BRUSSELS SPROUTS. Everyone hates the nasty little fuckers, so we had BROCCOLI instead.
  • 4 days of CONSTIPATION, I had to resort to an overdose of ANDREWS (Yecch!) so I could fit into my festive gear to go out. My stomach sounded like a SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA tuning up in a sewer as a result.
  • NOT stabbing any family member in the eye with a fork. This was the toughest challenge of the season.
  • Much DRIVING around the country to visit friends. Well, either that, or scowling at family and wrestling for control of the remote. Give me driving in poor conditions any day (see below).
  • NOT going to the sales. I fucking hate Christmas shopping, and I also hate the early days of the sales. I was held up in sales shopping traffic when driving through Limerick last week and it made me want to blow up the entire Dublin Road retail park/ shopping centre district. Why didn't Santa bring me a copy of the Anarchist's Cookbook?
  • Being a big softie really because I cried reading Marley and Me by John Grogan, an account of his relationship with a big clumsy Labrador. Read it. Go on.
New Year's was slightly easier; a night with some friends at their place watching Jools Holland while quaffing some very nice Lidl Champagne and being very sensible - at least, compared to last year, when I passed out in public in Spain and don't remember anything between that and me waking up in bed with a bitching hangover. No, it was very civilised. I was actually able to function on New Year's Day and actually did some work in my house.

The weather was another highlight, two incidents stick out in my mind; the telly aerial falling off the roof of my parents' house in the high winds at a critical point in a film and me almost having a crash in a remote part of the mid-West due to floods on the road, I ended up skidding so badly I found myself facing in the direction I'd come from!

And I'm not even back at work yet. Tomorrow's the day; oh the delights I will encounter on the first day back at the Department. I have a stack of role profile forms to do, more report deadlines, meetings to organise, training... oh, FUCK! FUCKITYFUCKITYFUCK!!

Oh, by the way, happy 2008 to everyone. Hope it's a good one.

Now playing: Morrissey - Sunny
via FoxyTunes

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