Tuesday, January 15, 2008

GovStooge's Disciplinary Record...

... nearly received a black mark today. Yes, really! This bastion of fine upstanding civil servant-ness almost got called in on the carpet! What did I do?

Did I...

  1. Set fire to a clerical officer?
  2. Set fire to a HEO?
  3. Throw my PC out the window?
  4. Eat all the croissants in the canteen, leaving none for anyone else?
  5. Kick someone up the arse?
  6. Consume alcohol on the premises while shouting loudly and then vomiting on a senior manager?
  7. Fill a load of forms up with random nonsense like "Fleeble" and "Skronk" and then make clerical officers process them?
  8. Steal Personnel records for blackmail purposes?
  9. Replace my picture on my ID badge with one of Angelina Jolie?
  10. Strangle someone with the retractable cord that connects my ID badge to my belt loop?
  11. None of the above?
The answer, is, of course, None of the Above (well, apart from 11).

As much as I'd like to do all of items 1 to 10 above, the reality of the situation is far less entertaining.

I received a call regarding some advertising I'd placed on the Department's intranet. What was I advertising? Oh, nothing like a job lot of drugs or dodgy vibrators or Uncle Eddie's Toxic Blindness Moonshine or anything like that. Just an item for sale on behalf of some friends. It's a pretty common thing on the Department's intranet. So I thought, when the corporate bloke on the other end mentioned the ad, that - yes! The ad has worked! No such fecking luck. "You'll have to take that down" the caller said. "It's a breach of IT policy. The web address on it might cause a drop in productivity if people go looking it up on the internet. Don't worry, it won't go on your disciplinary record or anything."

Disciplinary record? Moi? IT policy, fair enough, you can't argue with that. I only wish that it were being applied fairly across the board. There are several very similar ads, complete with web addresses up there since last week.

And since when has PRODUCTIVITY had anything to do with being a civil servant? PRODUCTIVITY? FUCK OFF!

This lad's mammy must be very proud of him. The Departmental HatchetMan.

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