Sunday, October 14, 2007

My Evil Plans

I don't do mornings. In fact, I absolutely detest the fuckers. Particularly at this time of the year when it's dark and shitty outside. However, I have no option other than to get up early in the mornings because of (a) fairly long commute to work and (b) bloody traffic. Of course, (a) is added to even more if I get stuck in (b). On the rare occasions when I don't leave the house at an ungodly hour, I know I have to face into at least one one-kilometre stretch of road which it will take me twenty minutes or so to traverse. This causes me even more stress and strain than even getting up at 6.30 in the morning does. I find myself cursing everything - including my inability to buy a property closer to work, and I sometimes get this horrible image of myself turning into the Michael Douglas character in that film from a few years back, the one he goes mental in with a baseball bat. "Falling Down", it's bloody excellent. And it's how I feel.

To avoid actually acting on these feelings, and getting into trouble, I decided to find some way of amusing myself on the way to work in the mornings. My new entertainment is excellent fun and simple to do. I call it "Pissing off Jeeps". It's basically a tactical driving game in which I give as little lee-way to jeep drivers on the road as possible, by not letting them join the flow of traffic when entering from a minor road, or to change lanes on a dual carriage way. I score bonus points if they get pissed off and show it, either by honking at me or giving me the fingers (which is a gesture I return, by the way). I lose points if there is evidence that the jeep has been in a field or on a country road (i.e. used properly), so I try to ensure that the ones that I piss off are shiny and driven by either a woman or a man wearing a suit. It's ace.

One of them knows where I work now though...

Still though, mornings are a lot more fun.

3 comments:

galwaywegian said...

In Galway there is approximately 3/4 of a mile of bus lane. In Total. Last Saturday I saw a guy happily cycling along the middle of the bus lane with three buses behind him. He looked like he was in paradise as he trundled happily along at 5mph!

Govstooge said...

Ha ha! Now THAT is evil. I did that once, but not to buses. I did it to some trucks. Up a mountain. And they couldn't overtake, so they went mental. When they DID get past, they flipped me off, and I responded with a big wave and a shit-eating grin. It was great. But not as evil as that guy. Still, being on the Dublin road in Galway might well do that to the most benign road user, whoever they are.

Mary said...

This kinda reminds me of this film i have seen many moons ago. Was it one of Stephen Spielbergs first? Was it called Dune (i know, i should have imdb'd it before writing. There is very little dialogue in the film and its a battle of wits between a car and a truck on the American roads.