Spam javelins, Pork Swords and assorted Knobjockery

I've not been very attentive to the old blogging this week. What with doing up my own home made-placards (samples: Lenno is a Knobjockey/ Execute Biffo and I'm just the EO to do it/ Fianna Fail=Abject FAIL etc) for the upcoming strikes, digging giant holes in the claggy earth of my back garden and filling them with compost in the hope that something other than scrub grass will grow there, I've been rather stretched.

I've checked my Eircom email for the first time in days, and was delighted to discover that I have been offered two fantastic opportunities. The first is to own a nine-foot guitar. The second is to watch a gladiator-style conflict involving weapons made only from pork products. How could I pass those offers up? A nine foot guitar would add a surrealist touch to my home decor, plus I could annoy the neighbours with my beginner's chords. The pork product fight would be Monty Pythonesque entertainment along the lines of the fish-slapping dance. How could I refuse! I clicked on them eagerly.

Well...

I'm far too easily taken in with e-mail titles. Apparently "Your instrument will be so large you will be able to touch the ceiling with it" and "Battle of the Sausages" are not what they purport to be.

Damn you Eircom!