Saturday, February 2, 2008

Office Etiquette

I was at the doctor today gettting my bitch valve replaced (having worn out the old one from spewing vitriol on this blog) and while I was waiting I thumbed through the magazines in the waiting room. Amazingly, they were all current editions, not ancient copies of National Geographic or Kay's catalogues from 1988 with the bra pages torn out, such as I have become accustomed to over the years.

I came across a copy of Image magazine, an Irish glossy I only read if a friend passes it on to me, because most of the stuff in it is geared towards women who live in giant houses in Dublin 4 with barrister husbands and who can afford to spend more on a scarf than I earn in an entire month.

This particular edition was different, however; it was geared towards women in business. It made for interesting and inspiring reading. It featured articles on women setting up their own businesses and suitable business attire for board meetings etc (again, all items costing an absolute fucking packet - what's wrong with a suit from Next, girls?).

The most interesting thing in it for me, though, was an article by Terry Prone on office etiquette. At the end of the article, she had helpfully appended a list of dos and don'ts for people who want to make the right impressions on their co-workers and bosses.

Close to the top of the list were two of my regular transgressions.

- Don't swear.
- Don't eat garlic during the week.

Jesus, does this mean if I tone down my language, stop eating curries, and spend €3,000 on a designer suit, that I'll be admired and respected by all?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I'm a civil servant, so it doesn't matter what I do. But, as a protest, I will arrive at work on Monday morning in a beer-stained hoodie that I have slept in all weekend, while calling everyone bastards.

Take THAT, Image magazine!

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