Thursday, September 20, 2007

Soylent Grey

I sometimes think that the civil service is fattening us up for slaughter. The canteen is full of lovely things (Yes! An office canteen that doesn't serve watery slop with a side order of listeria!), all of which contribute to that lovely fluffy stuff in our arteries and our big bouncy bottoms. The fried breakfast, for example, or the things that comprise pastry and chocolate or cheese. Not chocolate and cheese, though, that would just be wrong (but maybe just right for a person who has just smoked a particular herb).

Civil service office blocks are like great big farms with nice fat edible employees roaming freely around the corridors and going to the toilet whereever they please.

But they are not slaughtered on site. No, that would be too crude. In fact, they are not slaughtered. The cardiovascular system does all the work so others don't have to.

They are let retire first. An unreliable statistic suggests that the average age of death of retired civil servants is 67. So it takes an average of 40 years for a return on the investment of fattening up these employees.

I dunno. If I was investing money I'd go with the post office if I wanted to take that sort of risk.

And anyway, who the hell would eat them? It would be like eating the rind off some hairy bacon. With a nice juicy lard topping. And some forms on the side.

Mmmmm. Forms.

I think too much.

I'm going to eat some lentils now.

(Today was a bad day.)

Now playing: Frank Black - I Burn Today

via FoxyTunes

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