A Song for Ballyfuck

I was lucky enough to find myself at a sing-song last night with a group of people, most of whom I know, in a local pub. There was a wide ranging repertoire, from rebel songs, to sea shanties to stuff from musicals. Overall, it was glorious, and being completely sober, I could enjoy it all without having to go to the toilet all the time or feeling nauseous.

When called on for my own contribution I politely declined (lack of alcohol being a factor) due to my not knowing any songs. Well, nothing that would stand up to the calibre of material being belted out by my companions. So I promised that next time I would have a couple of turns memorised.

For the record, the only songs I know from the top of my head are:
The Spongebob Squarepants Theme Song
The Accountancy Shanty, Penis Song, Every Sperm is Sacred from Monty Python's Meaning of Life
My Lovely Horse from Father Ted (The one-note version).
People are Strange by the Doors

And I forgot to mention that I don't sing them very well.
So I've got a mandate to memorise a few of Ella Fitzgerald(my favourite female vocalist)'s songs in order to fulfil my promise and impress the others.

And if I can change the lyrics to suit myself it'll be a little bit easier for me to remember them.

So far, I have in mind:

Slap that Face
Wire me to the Moon
Get Crappy
Orgy and Bess

Sorry, Ella.

Performance, Underperformance and Unpronounceable Songs

PMDS is making the news a lot in the last couple of weeks. Crazy eh? It's not as if they're short on news stories what with recession, U-turns, more recession, more U-turns and Barack Obama's historic victory in the polls. Well done Mr Obama. Mind you, his opponent did look like this:


I used to do that behind teachers' backs when I was 12! And he's 72!

But back to PMDS in the news...
It was recently revealed in the Sunday Times that almost 100% of all civil servants were awarded increments this year - increments that have been, for the past couple of years, linked to their PMDS ranking; i.e. 2 or more. 18 civil servants, at grade 1, were not awarded the increase.

Grade 2s, remember, are still underperforming to a certain extent. They are not allowed go for promotion for a year. That's the only penalty imposed on them. I imagine many of them don't care about promotions or additional responsibility. And they get the same pay award as me, and others like me, who are working our fucking arses off. It suggests to me that if I take even longer tea breaks, do Sudoku all day at my desk and pull all the uncertified sickies I can, I will be appreciated just the same by the system.

What did those 18 people do (or not do) to score a "1" then? It must have been bloody awful. I can only imagine:

- Setting fire to their desks and toasting marshmallows in the flames
- Calling the Taoiseach a "pie-faced goon" to his face
- Telling management to fuck off
- Phone calls to their sister in Australia lasting all day
- Abseiling past the boardroom window during senior management meetings
- Doing awful Karaoke at the Christmas Do
- Sewing whoopee cushions into the HEO's chair
- Drinking in the office and throwing up on senior officers
- Excessive smelly bodily functions in the vicinity of colleagues
- Humping the EO's leg
- Streaking through the Personnel Department (i.e. without an ID badge on)
- Making origami sculptures with forms

The reality is probably even more disturbing than that.

It calls into serious question the operation of the PMDS across all Departments. Only a couple of years into it, and it's already crying out for reform.

With any luck, they might get rid of it all together, and replace the endless meetings and arguments with something simpler like "RatemyClericalOfficers.com" - etc. Well, if teachers can have it, why can't we?

Oh, and I've recently discovered Sigur Rós. I don't have a notion of what they're singing about - as it's all in Icelandic - but their music transcends the language barriers. They're divine, and I can't stop listening to them. Going to buy even more of their albums when my increment comes in. (Which it will, I'm more than 99% certain.)

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Now playing: Sigur Ros - Med Sud I Eyrum Endalaust - 07. Ara Batur
via FoxyTunes