Deaf? I don't think so!

A typical day in the Department. I am up to my elbows in paper. And then, the most unwelcome sound of all.

Extension 666, the direct line to Govstooge, rings.

"Bollocks", I say, before taking a deep breath and adopting my posh professional civil servant voice.

"Good afternoon. Govstooge speaking. How may I help you?"

A faint crackle and the distant sound of the Pussycat Dolls.

I sigh, and try again: "Good afternoon. Govstooge speaking. How may I help you?"

"Can you speak up?" comes the voice at the other line.

I take a deeper breath.
"Govstooge speaking. How may I help you?"

"I still can't hear you."

"CAN I HELP YOU?"

"Ah, that's better. Now just hold on until I turn this radio down."

(Goes off to turn down the radio, which is now blaring Lady GaGa.)

"Jaysus", I say.

People, eh? Hate 'em. Bunch of gits.

Aargh!

Picture the scene. It is 7.30 am on a Monday, and I am morosely commuting my way from Ballyfuck to the Department. Noticing that the fuel hand on the car is dangerously close to "E", and that my stomach, were it to have a similar gauge, would be showing the same thing, judging by the rumbling thence. Damn! I wish I'd gotten up twenty minutes earlier and had breakfast!

I turn into a handy garage and fill up. The car, that is. Not for me the breakfast rolls and damp floppy sandwiches on offer. The most palatable thing on the shelf is a bottle of a drinkable form of yoghurt. Mmmm ... sugary, milky goodness! Or something.

Wanting to get to work for 8, I decide to have it "on the go". Well, I'm going to be stuck at any number of traffic lights on the way so there'll be ample opportunity to gulp it down safely. Or will there?

This morning, I discovered the perfect method of avoiding long waits at traffic lights in the morning. You have to really want to eat or drink the comestible you have brought with you in the car. Then, and only then, will you get a clear run through ALL the sets of lights before you arrive at your destination. Hungry and with low blood sugar. FACT.

Today was the first time in my entire commuting life (Sounds like a swear, eh? Maybe it should be.) that I've seen green lights all the way. No opportunity whatsoever to stop so I had to greedily gulp down the messy goo in the Department carpark before clocking in. And I managed to spill some on myself as a bonus.

It was an inglorious start to a rubbish day.

Konichiwa!

I'm intrigued. I've just been browsing my Statcounter and notice I've had a lot of visitors from Japan.

In particular, several visits from a server at the National Center Of Neurology And Psychiatry, Saitama.

As always, I appreciate a new audience, but you'll have to forgive my ignorance on this one - I have absolutely no idea what possible interest Japanese psychiatrists or neurologists might have in my scribblings.

Can anyone shed any light? Preferably not of the axial tomography variety thank you very much.