Thursday, December 6, 2007

Bah Humbug! (One of a series of many)

More Christmas moans...

Some of the staff in our section have decided to take the piss out of my constant grumbling and moaning (as a result of having to organise this years Christmas "do").

They are trying to suggest the person who organises the hooley should also put up the Christmas decorations in the section. We are six days into December and people are beginning to wonder when the 1980s tinsel and plastic holly and other civil service standard-issue decorations are going up to lend a bit of festive cheer to our magnolia and plywood workplace.

There is a lot of whispering in the section about this, and when my name came up today, in a whisper conveniently loud enough for me to hear, another CO said, "No, Govstooge is no use, she's too short."

There. A plausible reason for me to get out of doing the shitty job. For I am, indeed, a shortarse. And even standing on our flimsy chipboard desks, with a few extra forms for good measure, I will not reach the ceiling. I am five feet of aesthetic redundancy.

Plus, is there not a health and safety issue? As a manager, I am responsible for health and safety measures in the office. I would not be setting a good example teetering on the edge of the desk with sellotape in my mouth and tinsel in my hand, stretching in vain to make contact with the ceiling, while veering dangerously towards the open window. So I'm sitting back and sipping my coffee, while watching the tall people do all the hard work. Delegation, I'll call it.

And I could write that CO up for being discriminatory towards persons of restricted growth too. If I'm feeling generous enough for the season that's in it, I might well do that. It's Annual Review time in the coming weeks. Heh heh heh.

On foot of that, maybe I will help with the decorations to a lesser extent - I can hang a sprig of mistletoe off the back of my top, so people can kiss my arse.

Watch this space.

Ho ho fuckin' ho.


galwaywegian said...

You should designate an Extra Large Festivitator too handle the decorations (E.L.F. for short)

Govstooge said...

No, it would just mean having to fill out an Extremely Long Form...