Just cause...

There is a procedure in my Department, which, I imagine, is in place in all Departments and maybe in many private sector companies, where if an employee forgets their ID/ swipe card, they have to manually record the times they arrived at work/ went on lunch/ went home and get this authorised by their supervisor. A perfectly reasonable procedure, in fairness.

One of the clerical officers I supervise has a tendency to do this a lot. Most weeks, sometimes even twice a week I have to authorise these sign in times. This wouldn't be so bad except each one is accompanied by a spiel of what exactly was happening at the time they left home that they forgot it (there was a cat on the driveway/ my mammy called me and told me my shirt was ironed and ready / I needed a last minute poo). I also get a run down of the actual sign in/ out times, even though they are written on a form in front of me.

I really don't mind signing these things. I know the person in question is telling the truth, as I have seen them arrive and leave at the times they say. I just don't want a big long explanation, which can sometimes be accompanied by showers of saliva. Don't drool on your boss, you manky fucker.

For this year's staff suggestion scheme, I propose that employees who are prone to this specific kind of waffling have their ID cards tattooed on their foreheads. That way they can just press their heads up to the clock every time they go past and it will record their clockings.

I will even offer to do the tattooing myself. I have a set of Magic Markers, and I like playing with sharp objects.