Vanity Foul?

Red Leeroy’s recent post (the Borrowers) which begins with people brushing their teeth in an office toilet reminded me of yet another thing that gets right on my fucking tits.

I arrived at work yesterday to find much of the same sort of thing going on. I swiped in and went for a wee in the downstairs loo before going to the section. What greeted me was a scene very similar to a scene in any nightclub ladies' toilet on a Saturday night. No, there wasn't a girl being sick in a toilet while her friend held her hair away from the blue-tinged WKD vomit as it spewed forth. Nor was there the sound of drunken sex coming from one of the cubicles.

Nope. I am talking about the preening of the ladies before beginning work. There is usually one person touching up her hair in the bathrooms at any given moment, and rightly so, 'twas a windy morning yesterday.

However, yesterday, each sink in this particular ladies' room was occupied by a girl attending to not only her hair, but in many cases her eyeliner, mascara etc etc. I had to ask one to excuse me while I washed and dried my hands. It brought back memories of sticky carpets, the pong of Red Bull in the air and incredibly overpriced beers (for I have not darkened the door of such an establishment in several years, preferring instead to drink my pint in a traditional music pub where my companions and I can actually hear each other speak).

There is nothing inherently wrong with a person taking pride in their appearance. For lazy me, it just means making sure I've had a shower that morning, that my hair isn't standing on end like that of someone just out of Electro-Convulsive Therapy, that my top is clean and ironed and that I've not put it on inside out. Well, I’m not at my best in the mornings. I usually stumble around the kitchen moaning zombie-like into my breakfast - when I can be bothered to eat one. Applying maquillage so early would just be a disaster. I’d probably end up looking like Pauline from the League of Gentlemen (And she’s an evil civil servant too!) – viz:

(Just look at that lovely hair do[n't]!)

Fair play to the girls, I suppose. With several rather fit looking male temporary clerical officers around the building it's nice to look your best.

I fancy a new job

So Brian Lenihan is setting up an internet safety office. It's to be part of the Department of Justice. Sounds like legislation for this office would be hard to enforce. And open to ridicule like the Censorship of Publications Act (that Brian's kinsman, namesake and predecessor in Justice amended some 40 years ago) was.

I'd love to see how it would work.

Can I be one of your EOs, Brian? I'm very good at looking up inappropriate content on the internet. I can even work with multiple Firefox tabs. And I will make sure all the COs I supervise look at a minimum of ten pictures of naked hairy arses a day.

Imagine not getting told off for looking up porn and Youtube on the internet at work!

Fucking heaven.

But leave my blog alone, you bastards. It's not my fucking fault my hands have Tourette's and make me type swearwords. Piss shit fucksticks. Shitbags arsewipe sheepfucker.

Bollocks.