The Alternative Civil Service Job Simulation Test

Doing the AO exam recently got me thinking that some of the scenarios they give us in the job simulation are - although they are plausible - not wide ranging enough to encapsulate the full civil service experience.

So I’ve come up with my own, alternative job sims for an EO role. To do this test, you must pick what you think is the best course of action out of the five options for each scenario.

Ready?

Scenario 1:

You are an Executive Officer working in an incredibly boring Government Department. It is just approaching your tea break. The clerical staff you normally go on tea break with have signalled that it is time for tea, and just as you get up from your desk your HEO arrives down with a question. You know that your HEO was on the phone to her husband all morning, and you find it annoying that she has waited until now to talk to you.

What do you do?

(a) Make all the clerical staff wait for you until your HEO is finished with you.

(b) Tell everyone to go ahead and that you will join them later.

(c) Tell the HEO that you would like to go on your tea as your blood sugar levels are dropping and you may go into a coma at any minute due to hypoglycaemia.

(d) Run away.

(e) Grab the nearest letter opener and stab the HEO in the jugular while laughing maniacally. The HEO’s blood spatters you and all the clerical officers and you all walk calmly towards the canteen, ignoring the stares of passers-by.

Scenario 2:

You are an Executive Officer working in an incredibly boring Government Department. You have been asked by your HEO to give a talk on Health and Safety to the staff in your section. Your HEO has asked you to include a few specific Health and Safety infractions which he has seen in recent weeks. The issues he is raising relate to personal hygiene, incredibly untidy desks and swearing managers.

What do you do?

(a) Agree to do it and research the topic in full and present a draft of the talk to your HEO before giving the talk to ensure that the issues are covered in the correct manner.

(b) Book a conference room, so you can do a Powerpoint presentation with pictures you have taken on your mobile phone of smelly employees and messy desks. Give freebie deodorant samples to each participant along with diagrams of the parts of the body where the deodorant is to be used.

(c) Ask the HEO why can’t he do it himself because you don’t really care as long as you don’t have to sit next to the smelly bastards.

(d) Run away.

(e) Kick the HEO in the balls, shouting “You should have sorted out your own fucking health and safety before asking me anything!”

Scenario 3:

You are an Executive Officer working in an incredibly boring Government Department. It is coming up to the year end and you must conduct the end-of year PMDS reviews for all of your staff. There is also a deadline approaching for the preparation of a report on something so tedious you fall asleep every time you touch your notes. Your HEO has stressed that all PMDS interim reviews must be done by a certain date which coincides with the deadline for the report.

What do you do?

(a) Take all the clerical staff into a room where you have a bunch of numbers in a big hat. Ask them to take one number each. When they have all chosen, tell them that’s their PMDS rating for the year and walk out. Go back to the report.

(b) Work late for a few evenings (yes, later than 7pm so no flexitime) to do the report so that you can get the PMDS done during the day when everyone’s in.

(c) Prioritise the report and “forget” the deadline on PMDS. No-one ever gets them all done on time anyway.

(d) Run away.

(e) Take all the clerical staff into a room and kill them all with a big knife. When you are finished, come out and tell your HEO that all your staff are dead and there’s no need for PMDS. When the HEO tells you that the “P” can stand for “Posthumous” you stab him too. Go back to the report.

More to be posted later as I think of them.