The Uncivil Servant’s Rant is pleased to announce:

THE CIVIL SERVICE OLYMPICS!!!!!

Civil servants from all over the world are invited to take part in a wide range of exciting activities, including:

Synchronised Skiving

The Paper Throw (similar to discus throwing, but using large wodges of crumpled up policy documents instead).

Form processing (joke event)

Weight lifting (how long can you prop up a wall while talking to your buddies)

Information Relay (how fast it takes a piece of gossip /information to travel through 100 people, one at a time, without being distorted - Current record is five seconds.)

Fag relay (how many people can light their fags off each other, and how long cigarettes lit from the same match can keep going)

Deciphering the Personnel Code (who understands it first- no-one has ever succeeded, it COULD BE YOU THIS YEAR!

In addition, participating bureaucrats will be eligible to compete for inclusion in

THE CIVIL SERVICE BOOK OF RECORDS!!

In categories such as:

World’s largest fag break

World’s longest paid sickie

Longest time spent clocked in while doing the least work

World’s fastest swipe card action

Biggest Arse (male and female)

Most tea drank in one sitting

Longest scarf knitted during work hours

Most books read during work hours

Best Pac-man score achieved during work hours (Current record: 10,341,586)

And special guest, the guy who managed to watch every season of “Friends” on his PC when he was supposed to be working. Well done. We thought you had gone mad and were laughing at the forms.

Fill in the application form below to join the fun! Yes, you'll be able to claim extra time for filling it in!

Hello.

My name is ________

I like: (a) biscuits (b) cake with my tea

Location: To be announced once someone gets round to filling in the application form for the venue.

Date: Err, you’ll have to ask my supervisor, who isn’t here. They’re on tea at the moment and may be some time.